If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
