Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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