Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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