I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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