Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Randomize
