mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
