It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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