I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
