Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
