This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize