I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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