My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
