Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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