have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize