and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
