My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
