come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
