as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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