ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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