I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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