Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
