By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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