Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
