He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
