drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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