I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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