I hope mine doesn't look like that
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
