I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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