I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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