umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
last night I used snow as a chaser
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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