Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
