thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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