I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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