I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
