Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Randomize
