dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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