Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Tornado booty call.. dedication
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
