My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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