I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize
