Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
