on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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