GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
