so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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