is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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