There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
