They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
