Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
