I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
