I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
