i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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