We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
