You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
