he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize