u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
