Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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