Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
