We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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