Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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