he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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