my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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