gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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