I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
