apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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