They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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