I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
