You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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