My balls are so social today.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
