only if we run a train.
done.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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