he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She tied me up with her honor cords...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
