I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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