Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize