I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
