The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
