Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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