I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
