Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
