And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
being pregnant is like rehab
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
