I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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