Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
