he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
