Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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