normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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