Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
