the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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