I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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