sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
