I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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