he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
