Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
