Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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