Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
