I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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