OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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