i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
