I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
