the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
