i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
