The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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