she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
