i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize
