if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
