So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
