i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
