Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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