There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
