Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
