Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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