she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
