Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
