he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
